desperately seeking some parenting advice!!

As I was sitting there folding my laundry today I was working up an unhealthy dose of depression as I mulled over my lack of parenting skills when suddenly I realized.... Hey, I have this new little online community of parenting experts I could get advice from! There was a time just a few short years ago when we were well on our way to getting that 'Parents of the year" award. Actually we were a shoo in for the grand prize! Then about 4 years ago we were given a 7 1/2 lb dose of humility and suddenly we were struggling to maintain a spot in the top ten contestants for that coveted award. Then about 20 months ago we were smacked upside the head with a 9lb big ole piece of humble pie. And suddenly we can't even spit out the whole phrase 'Parents of the Year" without bursting into hysterical laughter. See....my issue is this. My house is being taken over by an iron fisted hair puller. Not the sweet little 'wrap my chubby fingers in mommys hair and tug as I'm smooching and snugglin' kind..... but the 'tackle my sister to the ground and sit on her head while I fill both my grubby little meathooks with as much hair as possible' variety. Kendras siren like shrieks have every neighbor in a five mile radius running for their storm shelter but it doesn't faze Tyler at all. Not one muscle in his face even twitches. Now the really scary part is that there is no apparent motivation for these attacks and definitely NO remorse!! When I wrench him away he just looks at me with a puzzled expression and two fists with enough hair to donate to 'locks of love' I have tried sending him to his room (I'm convinced he's really starting to enjoy that time alone) I've put him in that naughty chair while telling him in my best English accent that this behavior is 'simply not acceptable" I've tried yanking HIS hair but it's really hard to get a good grip on his 1/4 inch buzz cut. I've yelled and screamed, begged and pleaded, and paddled his little tush all to no avail. On the bright side there is a lesson to be learned from this. I know we are never supposed to question God but while I'm baring my soul I will confess to some brief moments of weakness when I have wondered why. Why with all of the various stellar attributes He could have pulled from my genetic pool He instead chose to pass on to all my children that huge overabundance of coarse thick hair that I have had to live with? Well obviously He knew that one day my house would be under the control of an iron fisted hair puller and if not for all those little heads being over populated with hair follicles we would have a house full of chrome domes by now! So.... What to do???